FAQ

Broaching the subject of divorce with your spouse can be incredibly challenging. If you’re fortunate, you and your spouse may be on the same emotional page regarding the end of your marriage, and seeking the assistance of a marriage counselor can be beneficial. However, in many cases, divorce is a sensitive topic that may be difficult to bring up, yet, avoiding the conversation could lead to an adversarial process over which you and your spouse have little control. If you hope to pursue a Collaborative Divorce that considers and respects your needs and goals, it’s crucial to inform your spouse about this non-adversarial approach. But how can you go about it?

If you still have open lines of communication, provide your spouse with relevant articles to read and website addresses to explore. Your attorney can supply educational materials about Collaborative Divorce for you to share.

If communication with your spouse is challenging or you believe your words may not be given much consideration, involve trusted friends, relatives, or counselors who can discuss Collaborative Divorce with your spouse. Mutual friends who have experienced the process might share their positive experiences, which may be more warmly received than if the information came directly from you.

Your attorney may have materials that can be mailed to your spouse, along with an invitation to consider Collaborative Divorce. You’re the one in the best position to assess whether this approach might resonate with your spouse.

Lastly, encourage your spouse to learn about Collaborative Divorce by visiting websites such as www.CollaborativeDivorceHouston.com and www.CollaborativeDivorceTexas.com.

Approaching the topic of Collaborative Divorce requires careful consideration and utilizing various strategies based on your unique circumstances. By tactfully introducing the concept, you increase the chances of your spouse being receptive to this alternative approach.

The answer depends on several factors, including the divorce process chosen, the level of venting involved, the integrity of both parties, and the use of enforceable legal mechanisms to maintain confidentiality.

Undoubtedly, the Collaborative Divorce process offers the highest degree of confidentiality and privacy, which are distinct concepts. In this process, private meetings take place in conference rooms rather than public spaces like courthouse hallways or courtrooms. Only the collaborative teams are allowed in the room, and the only record kept is the attorneys’ private and non-discoverable notes. A contract governs the disclosure of events and the confidentiality of shared information, whether in paper or electronic form. However, even in the Collaborative Divorce process, individuals may still vent to friends and family about real or perceived transgressions of their spouse, despite not disseminating exchanged documentary evidence. This is where the factor of integrity becomes important. The Collaborative Divorce process emphasizes mutual respect during and after the proceedings, regardless of the events that led to the divorce. If both spouses lack the personal integrity to honor the confidentiality contract they signed, there is a potential risk of private information being disclosed during or after the process. Furthermore, the settlement itself may include penalties, such as the loss of assets, for violating the confidentiality agreement, even after the divorce is finalized.

If you have not chosen the Collaborative Divorce process, it is essential to understand that trials offer no privacy. They are open to the public, and a record of the proceedings, which can be accessed by anyone, is typically created. Only in exceptional cases do judges close courtrooms to the public or media. The openness of trials aims to ensure the integrity of the judicial system.

If you are able to settle your case outside the courtroom, there may be less public disclosure of private information. However, even in such cases, there is still a risk to the confidentiality of information. While mediations are private, and nothing said during mediation can be used in court, participants can still discuss their personal interpretations of events that occurred before or during the mediation process. In Texas, discovery rules require the exchange of various documents and sensitive data. The receiving party is not restricted in how they use that information unless they can demonstrate potential harm to employability or other significant areas of life. Obtaining “confidentiality orders” to protect such information is challenging and usually requires significant time and expense.

The Collaborative Divorce model generally offers more privacy and provides more creative methods for addressing confidentiality compared to the litigation model, as it was specifically designed with privacy in mind. The litigation model, on the other hand, is designed to uncover hidden information. The Collaborative Divorce model accommodates couples who recognize the tension between one spouse’s right to know and the other spouse’s need for privacy.

Divorce is an emotionally traumatic experience, even if it’s a decision you wanted. It marks the end of dreams and relationships, leading to introspection and fear about the future. The impact is amplified when children are involved, causing upheaval in daily routines. While some paths close unexpectedly, new ones emerge, albeit unfamiliar and uncertain. It can feel like holding on for dear life, without a sense of stability or coping.

Here are some available resources to navigate this challenging time:

1. Collaborative Divorce attorneys can offer legal guidance and promote client education, aiding in better decision-making and reducing fear. Remember that attorneys are not mental health counselors but specialize in legal matters.
2. Seeking support from a mental health counselor provides a “safe harbor” during the storm of divorce, helping you process emotions and find stability.
3. Area-specific professionals such as CPAs, financial counselors, and real estate experts can address concerns and provide valuable insights about financial and practical matters.
4. Prioritize self-care through proper diet, exercise, prayer, meditation, and spending quality time with loved ones.

It’s important to avoid incessantly sharing complaints, fears, and insecurities with multiple people. While discussing these matters with a trusted friend, relative, or professional can be healthy, repeatedly venting magnifies grievances and fuels mistrust, making it difficult to find satisfaction even with credible evidence.

Remember, seeking professional support and taking care of yourself are crucial steps toward navigating the challenges of divorce.

Collaborative Divorce Houston consists of Neutral Financial Professionals who are Certified Public Accountants (CPA), Certified Financial Planners (CFP), and Certified Divorce Financial Advisors (CDFA). These professionals are trained in the Collaborative Divorce process. Whenever feasible, Collaborative Divorce Houston prefers the multi-disciplinary team approach.

By engaging a Joint Neutral Financial Professional, financial information is efficiently gathered and shared transparently. Both you and your spouse have access to the same financial information, enabling informed decisions about dividing your assets. It is important to note that your Collaborative Divorce attorney will provide legal advice throughout the process.

In contrast to litigation, where each party often hires their own financial professional, the Collaborative Divorce process avoids duplicating financial procedures and significantly reduces expenses. Rather than engaging in a battle of experts, the parties trust a qualified neutral financial professional to help them achieve a mutually beneficial outcome.

In a litigated divorce, the judge determines the distribution of property, leaving the receiving party uncertain about the assets they will ultimately receive. This uncertainty makes it challenging for both parties to plan their financial future as single individuals.

In Collaborative Divorce, the Joint Neutral Financial Professional assists with budgeting and cash flow analysis, ensuring you are better prepared to navigate your financial situation post-divorce. By formulating a personalized plan during the Collaborative Divorce process, you can increase your chances of achieving financial stability moving forward.

In times of pain, whether physical or emotional, our instinct is to seek relief and escape. We try various methods to distract ourselves, but ultimately the pain resurfaces, reminding us that it cannot be easily avoided.

Similarly, the divorce process, like healing from an injury or a medical treatment, requires time. It is a journey, governed by its own timeline and rules. It’s important to recognize that you are not entirely in control, even in the Collaborative Divorce model.

However, within the Collaborative Divorce model, you and your spouse can influence the process’s duration, steps, intricacies, and cost. Still, the process inherently takes time because information needs to be gathered, processed, negotiated, and agreed upon from multiple perspectives. Time is a crucial aspect that cannot be ignored.

An analogy can be drawn from childbirth. From the onset of labor to the moment of delivery, there is agony, cries of exhaustion, and a longing for it to end. But the process unfolds as it must, and eventually, new life emerges. Throughout this process, the attendants encourage calmness, proper breathing techniques, and suggest position changes to alleviate discomfort. Yet, the process remains in control.

The divorce process, whether collaborative or otherwise, aligns with this analogy. While the Collaborative Divorce attorney can help modify the process to some extent, removing or adjusting certain mandatory steps, avoiding unproductive demands, or unnecessary confrontations, the truth is that the process must unfold systematically to shape your new life. There are no shortcuts in divorce. No one will put you under anesthesia to skip the pain. You must go through the process, which demands time, patience, anger management, and deep breathing.

Just as cooperating with the childbirth process eases pain and makes the journey more bearable, cooperating with the divorce process can also reduce hardship. Resisting the process only intensifies the pain and prolongs the agony. Insisting on your own timeline will lead to disappointment, frustration, and anger, while the process still awaits. In the Collaborative Divorce process, you and your spouse have the opportunity to customize it according to your needs, deviating significantly from the litigation standard. This way, you can avoid unnecessary delays caused by waiting for court dates and allow yourselves to make sensible decisions using common sense and fairness.

Will it ever end? Yes, it will. However, a more important question to consider is, “How well do you want it to end?” Let this question guide you, and strive for the best possible outcome for both you and your spouse. Regardless of the wrongs you believe your spouse has committed, not every wrong can be rectified, and not every right receives immediate reward. Cooperate with the process, be as flexible as possible, remain open to creative solutions, seek emotional support if needed, watch your words, and learn from your lawyer. But above all, remember to breathe.

If you and your spouse have chosen the Collaborative Divorce path, each of you will need to have your own Collaborative Divorce attorney. It is important to select experienced attorneys who have successfully handled collaborative divorces for other clients.

The first step is for your attorneys to guide you through the Collaborative Divorce process, ensuring that you understand the steps, can prepare for them, and have reasonable expectations. You and your attorneys will schedule an initial joint meeting, attended by both of you, your attorneys, and any collaborative professionals involved, such as a joint neutral financial professional (FA) and a joint neutral mental healthcare professional (MHP) who can assist with developing a parenting plan and improving communication if you have children.

During this meeting, you will have the opportunity to get acquainted, sign the Participation Agreement, and share your interests, goals, and concerns regarding the Collaborative Divorce process.

Engagement letters (professional participation agreements) will be signed between you, your spouse, and the joint neutral professionals you retain, usually during the first or second joint meeting. From there on, agendas will be prepared and followed in subsequent meetings to ensure efficient use of time and meaningful progress in the Collaborative Divorce process.

Your Collaborative Divorce attorneys would have explained the Roadmap to Resolution, which must be followed for the Collaborative Divorce process to be successful. Skipping a step on the Roadmap only leads to frustration and the need to circle back later, delaying progress.

After identifying individual and joint interests, goals, and concerns, you and your spouse, along with the collaborative team, will gather relevant information. This information is essential for making well-informed decisions and developing workable solutions that benefit both parties.

Once all relevant information is gathered, options will be developed and evaluated in joint meetings and offline discussions with the collaborative team. As you evaluate options for dividing the marital estate or developing a parenting plan, you will likely find that the Collaborative Divorce process naturally unfolds, leading to the best financial and parenting plans. However, challenges, disagreements, and anxiety may arise during the evaluation process, requiring thoughtful consideration and additional work. In contrast to litigation, where sides are pitted against each other, the Collaborative Divorce team, including attorneys and allied professionals, is present to help facilitate smoother transitions and guide you both towards outcomes that meet your needs and those of your child or children. It is important to note that in Collaborative Divorce, no temporary or final agreements are imposed unless both you and your spouse agree. You maintain control over the outcome, unlike in litigation.

After establishing interests, needs, and goals, the next steps involve gathering information, evaluating options, reaching agreements, and finally, having your Collaborative Divorce attorneys prepare the final divorce papers, such as an agreed decree of divorce. In some cases, an agreement incident to divorce, which is not filed with the court, may also be prepared to maintain privacy. Once the final papers are reviewed and signed, you, your spouse, and your attorneys will proceed to court for an uncontested no-fault divorce. After the court signs the divorce decree, your attorneys and the collaborative professionals will assist you in implementing the agreements and transitioning to your new normal as a restructured family.

Collaborative Divorce Houston hopes that if you choose the Collaborative Divorce process to end your marriage, divide property in a beneficial manner, and design a parenting plan that works for your child or children, you will join countless other spouses worldwide who have found the Collaborative Divorce process to be the preferred method for a positive goodbye and a future of happiness and well-being.