No doubt, divorce is a traumatic event even if you are the one wanting it. It is the death of a dream and a relationship. It makes us question our past and fear for our future. If one has children, the uncertainty factor is exponential. Every routine is in upheaval. Avenues once readily accessible are now foreclosed, often unexpectedly. New pathways open, but they are unfamiliar and every step forward feels insecure. Every day can seem as if one is merely hanging on for dear life, not even truly coping, a word which suggests some sort of dignity or stability. What resources are available?
Most obviously, one’s attorney of choice is a starting point provided the client keeps the proper perspective. Collaborative Divorce attorneys who are part of Collaborative Divorce Houston have been trained in communication skills which encourage client education, which generally leads to better decision making which reduces fear. However, it is important to keep one’s attorney’s role in perspective. The client has not hired a best friend nor has the client hired a therapist. Attorneys are counselors of and about law. They are not trained to be mental health counselors and the roles of mental health counselors and attorneys are sometimes in opposition to one another ethically and methodologically.
If your need for reassurance and guidance exceeds the limits of your lawyer’s role, then, of course, a good mental health counselor is an excellent option. Having a “safe harbor” during the category 5 storm of a divorce, and afterwards, can be life-changing.
Other area-specific professionals can be used to educate and, therefore, allay fears about how, when and what questions. These include CPA’s, certified financial counselors, investment experts, educational and employment coaches and counselors, real estate experts and the like.
If you are of a religious bent at all, counseling by and prayer with pastors and state-licensed Biblical counselors can not only deal with immediate fears but mature one’s spiritual walk.
Never lose sight of simple avenues of relief such as proper diet, exercise, quiet times for prayer and meditation, and a bit of fun with friends and family.
Avoid constant recitation of your complaints (both real and imagined) and the fears and feelings of insecurity which arise during the divorce process both in and out of the courtroom or collaborative divorce meetings. Discussing these things on a limited basis with one very close friend, relative or professional is probably healthy but disgorging and rehearsing every event, feeling and fear to multiple people multiple times each week only serves to magnify the complaints and exacerbate the fear and results in exaggerated suspicions and the imputation of deception and dishonesty to your spouse, resulting in an inability to ever be satisfied with the answers demonstrated by even the most credible evidence.